


The act of Forgiveness

by Siriusly_mckinnon



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: F/M, Prompt Fic, Reader-Insert, he doesn't marry esme, sorry Esme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-21 06:30:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14278971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriusly_mckinnon/pseuds/Siriusly_mckinnon
Summary: Multi chap following John and the reader according to the prompts13. Ive heard bad things about you.21. Okay I have no idea what language that was, or what you said.. but I’m pretty sure I should be offended.33. I’m sorry my family killed your family





	1. Prompt 1

It was almost 10pm by the time John was finally leaving the office and all he could think about was how much he wanted a drink in the Garrison. Unluckily for him the fucking thing had been blown to bits. He sighed and resigned himself to one of other many pubs under their protection and set off for the Blackbird where he would no doubt find one of his family members drinking themselves into oblivion.

Sure enough when he arrived he found Finn and Isaiah at the side of the bar looking like John had a lot of catching up to do in the drinking department. His eyes roved the room as he looked for any familiar faces, both friendly and unfriendly, when they landed on a woman tucked into a booth all on her lonesome and looking about as bored as if she were in church and not a lively bar. She was pretty, not astounding looking but pretty nonetheless and he found the fact that she was unaccompanied rather odd.

He stalked over to Finn and Isaiah and sat down with them, ignoring their drunken greetings. He signalled the barman and he set about pouring John a whiskey. He was about to leave when John stopped him. ‘Who is that in the booth back there? Bit dangerous to be out and about on her own’. He loped an arm around Isaiah’s shoulder and grinned. ‘Especially with the likes of these boys around’.

The barman smiled slightly and sighed before answering. ‘She’s my niece, her father ran into some trouble in Ireland so she’s staying with me until he can come get her. Poor mite has nobody else and I can’t look out for her if I’m on the bar so hafta bring her with me.’ 

John winked at the man. ‘I’ll keep her company for a bit, might as well give me the bottle and whatever she drinks yeah?’ He posed it as a question but it was a clear demand. The barman handed him the whiskey and another glass. John took it with a nod and made his way over to the lone figure.

‘Alright lovely? Your uncle’s sent me over to keep you company’ He said on arrival pulling out a chair. ‘What should I call you then?’

You looked him up and down before answering ‘Y/N, and I hope that bottle is to share. What am I supposed to call you so handsome?’ You took the bottle out of his hands before waiting for an answer and poured yourself a reasonable measure of the whiskey. You threw it back with a gulp and poured yourself another.

‘Don’t often see respectable girls like yourself drinking like that’ he laughed, ‘John Shelby is my name but I think I like handsome better’. He poured himself a drink and not to be outdone took a slug of it before refilling both glasses. 

‘John Shelby’ you mused ‘I’ve heard bad things about you’. You smiled at him to let him know you didn’t care. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, if a Shelby wanted to sit and drink with you there wasn’t a damn thing you could about it. You were just lucky it was a cute one that had taken to you.

You chatted about idle mindless things while steadily going through the bottle of whiskey. You signalled your uncle for another one which he brought, frowning disapprovingly the whole time. During the course of the conversation you learned a little bit more about John and the peaky blinders. The more John talked the more you liked him. You learned he had four kids and his wife, who had been his childhood sweetheart, had died not long after his return from France. It was clear France was a topic he was not really looking to broach. As the clock approached 1am the bar started to clear out and your conversation with John was interrupted by two extremely drunk young men in suits and peaked caps. The coloured one, also the noticeably more sober one, addressed John.

‘Alright John boy, sorry to interrupt but you’ve gotta get Finn home mate, can’t handle his liquor like a proper peaky boy I swear’. He nodded to you in apology for the interruption but mostly paid you no mind.

John sighed and shook his head. ‘Alright Isaiah, wait out the front I’ll follow you out in a minute’. The boy left, supporting his friend. John turned to look at you, blue eyes piercing even through the haze of alcohol. ‘And you Y/N, I’ll be seeing you again soon’. It felt more like a promise than a statement.

Feeling brave because of all the drink you’d consumed you smiled and leaned closer. ‘Looking forward to it handsome, you know where to find me’. You kissed his cheek and made your way towards your uncle at the bar without looking back.


	2. Prompt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something happens and John may not be able to charm his way out of this one

See you again he did. John became a regular sight at the Blackbird and while you were more than flattered you were also worried. You knew your father was pretty deep in the Armagh branch of the IRA. That was the whole trouble that brought you here and it was dangerous on both sides for you. If your father found out that you were seeing a Shelby there would be war. It was no secret that there was bad blood between the Shelby’s and the IRA. On the other hand if John found out what kind of trouble your father was into and his high standing in the IRA he might think you were using him for information. It bothered you relentlessly and tainted each time John saw you. He noticed of course, his brothers might think he’s stupid but you knew John was perceptive and intelligent. He said nothing about it instead hoping you would could and speak to him by your own choice. 

As you walked through the market on your fifth outing you and John were discussing the current situation in Ireland. You weren’t really kept up to date with the goings on, having little to no contact with your father and an uncle that held no interest for Irish politics. He walked forward with you while chatting, keeping a hand to the small of your back as he guided you through the people that parted as if John were Moses and they the Red sea. 

‘I don’t think things are going so great for your lot Y/N’ John said, choosing his next words with care ‘They’ve been offered a treaty and from what I’ve heard they’ve somehow started a war over it. Doesn’t seem too smart really does it?’

‘I don’t think I’m informed enough on any of it to really pick a side’ you mused ‘it’s a shame though, I hate to think of brother turning on brother and families torn apart. The amount of death and blood this whole business has brought about and most of it Irish.' 

John looked sideways at you and cleared his throat. ‘Yeah well we see a lot of Paddys in our business but it isn’t always a good thing for them. Not long ago the coppers lifted one of them and last I heard he was dead’.

You smiled at him slightly. ‘When you say the coppers lifted him I assume you mean by your command’

He laughed ‘Not everything that happens in this place is because of us Y/N, just most of it’ He winked. ‘How’s life at the Blackbird anyway love, all those men behaving themselves?’

‘As if any of them would touch John Shelby’s girl’ you smirked.

He wrapped an arm around you and laughed ‘My girl are you? That’s good to know. How about a kiss for your man then’.

You leaned into his arm for a moment and turned to face him. Your head reached just above his shoulder and so you had to pull him down to reach you. You felt his mouth turn up in a smile under yours and felt the anxiousness that had stuck with you recently disappear. Breaking away from him you sighed knowing it was about time you told him your situation before you let yourself get even fonder of the man. ‘Okay if I tell you something you have to promise you won’t get mad and you’ll let me finish what I want to tell you’

He nodded and you continued ‘My father is a little bit more involved with the IRA than I kind of let on. I was happy in Ireland, things weren’t easy but it was home you know? We moved because of him and I found you here which is great but that doesn’t mean I forgive him for getting involved in all of this. I have no involvement in what he does, I don’t want any involvement in it and I don’t want you to think that I’m with you because of who you are or what I could gain from you even if that’s what you may hear’. You took a breath and looked him in the eye. ‘I’m with you because I want to be with you and my father has sweet fuck all to do with that.’

Before he could respond a young boy that you vaguely recognised from the Blackbird came running up to you out of breath.  
‘Y/N your uncle needs you back at the bar now he sent me to get you’ he huffed once he caught his breath.

‘Yes I’ll be along in a few minutes.’ You rolled your eyes. The little fella grabbed your hand and tugged.

‘He said it’s urgent, he said I was to bring you right away’ he said insistently pulling on your arm. You knew your uncle had probably threatened him that if he did not get you back immediately he would be sorry. You looked at John apologetically. 

He sighed ‘Go, I’ll come around later and we’ll talk but Y/N don’t panic I’m not mad at you.’

You nodded and followed the boy along as he led you back to the blackbird wondering all the while what could be so important that your uncle would have called you out when he knew you were out with John. As you walked in the door your uncle was standing just inside the door and as soon as you saw his face you knew something was wrong.

‘What's the problem, what was so urgent that you dragged me from my date?’ Hundreds of scenarios went through your head at that moment but you knew the most likely reason was your father.

Your uncle motioned you to sit at the bar and he poured you a whiskey. He rubbed his jaw before speaking. ‘Right well I’ve just got word Y/N, your father was lifted by the blinders coppers last night and they butchered him. You’re welcome to stay on here if you like girl, work the bar when I’m not able but for christ’s  
sake my sister didn’t die for you to get involved in the same damn stuff that killed your father. If you’re here the Irish politics stays at home.’ 

You nodded and knocked back the whiskey, at odds with how you felt. It wasn’t as if you were particularly close with your father. You knew if your mother was alive he would have left both of you in Ireland while he dealt with his business in England. Your anger stemmed from the circumstance of his death and not his actual death. You and John had joked earlier about the order for the death, the death you now know was your fathers. Maybe irrational but you were angry at him. It was his lot that ordered the death of your father and as little as you may have known him your father was all you had left. 

The anger festered as you sat drinking and waiting for John to come around. A bottle in and he showed up. He came up behind you and squeezed your shoulder, dropping a kiss to the top of your head. You slid away from him almost toppling off your stool as you did so until he put a hand around your waist to pull you back upright. 

‘Neukertje’ you spat at him, pushing his hand off your waist. 

He pulled his hands back to himself and looked quizzically at you. ‘Okay I have no idea what language that was, or what you said.. but I’m pretty sure I should be offended.’

‘It’s Dutch, the men that drink here come from lots of different places. I can curse you in Polish or Gaelic if you’d prefer.’ You said sneering at him.

‘I don’t know why you’re cursing me at all Y/N, come on and talk to me. Did I somehow do something in the three hours we were apart?’ he said as pleadingly as a Shelby would allow himself to be.

‘That IRA member, that man your lot got lifted, that man that died that we LAUGHED about?’ You barked a laugh that held no humour. ‘Looks like you’ll never get the chance to convince my father you’re good for me.’ You turned to glare at him. ‘I’m alone now John. That’s on you.’ You turned back to the swirling amber in your glass and finished it, then stood up and sighed. ‘Don’t come here again John’.

‘Y/N please I didn’t know he was your father, he was into things that were way out of his depth. I’m sorry it hurt you but we did what we had to do.’

You laughed again. ‘Yes yes justify yourself all you want John but he’s dead and excuses won’t bring him back.’ You wobbled slightly on your feet. ‘I’m tired and I want to go to bed, just go John.’

His jaw twitched as he clenched it, he rubbed his jaw searching for words. ‘I’m not giving up on you Y/N. I’ll go now because you’re angry and you’re upset but I’ll be back. We are going to talk about this.’ He raised a hand as if he was going cup your jaw but thought better of it. ‘Get some sleep, we’ll speak soon’.

‘Fuck off John’ you said as you turned and stalked away without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold John and his family. I think the reaction is fair enough?


	3. Prompt 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk with your Uncle sets you straight on what you're really feeling

A day passed, then two and soon a week had gone by without any contact from John. It hurt that he had made no move to see you but you were also thankful because after all that’s what you asked for. Your Uncle noticed the decline in your mood and was a smart enough man to realise it wasn’t just your father you were upset about. He kept a careful eye on you as you pottered around the Blackbird, cleaning and serving in an effort to keep yourself busy. After the week had gone by he had had enough of you moping around.

He sat you down just after closing up the Blackbird one night and poured you each a drink.

‘Y/N we’re going to talk about this. I know I didn’t particularly like the peaky lad but you obviously did and not speaking to him is making you miserable pet’.

You looked at him in astonishment. ‘That Peaky lad is the reason I don’t have a father anymore. How could you even consider me seeing him again’ you seethed.

‘Naw love it might have been them that finished him but your father was heading down that road for a long time. I don’t know how much you know or what was shared with you but the stuff that he was up to with the IRA was shameful and dangerous and I hate to say it but it was what got your mother killed. I’m not saying that what those boys do is any better but at least they protect their own. They’re a family and I’m not saying I know much about anything but that boy seemed right keen on you.’

You sat back in amazement. Never did you think your uncle would be sitting there endorsing your relationship with John. ‘It’s irrelevant what kind of path my dad was on though it still stands that they are the reason he’s gone. That John is one of the reasons I’m alone.’

Your uncle shook his head at you. ‘Alone? Were you any less lonely with him around child.’ He looked unimpressed for a moment. ‘And just what am I? Alone my backside you have more care for you now than you would have had with ten of him.’

You hung your head. You hadn’t intended to insult your Uncle but you had been so consumed in your situation that you had forgotten how kind he had been to you. 

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t intend to act like you’ve done nothing for me. I know I have you I just mean that you’re all I have left. Shouldn’t I be angry or betrayed or something at what he did?’

Your uncle levelled you with a quizzical look. ‘Y/N have you stopped to think about whether you’re actually angry or if you’re acting the way that you think you’re supposed to act? Feelings are feelings pet there’s no should and shouldn’t only whatever you yourself feels.’

You looked at your feet and sighed miserably. ‘I don’t think it matters anyway. He hasn’t come to see me so he obviously decided I wasn’t worth the effort’. You looked up to see your uncle wincing slightly.

‘Would it make you angry or happy to know he really does want to see you?’ He smiled slightly and scooted his chair a little closer to you. ‘You have your mothers temper lass, one that I know well. He did come around for you and I told him, I said there’s no point in him trying to talk to you till you figure out your own feelings. He’s not going to come looking for you because you’re going to go and get him.’

While you were slightly annoyed that your Uncle had interfered you also knew he was right. If John had come to see you before you had a chance to think about what you were actually feeling you would have bitten his head off and potentially ruined everything. Your Uncle got up to leave you to your thoughts and headed to bed. 

You thought about it. In your heart of hearts you knew you weren’t angry with John. It was a damn shitty situation but it wasn’t as if it was any great loss to you, heartless as that may sound, and you were happier with him in your life which was a damn sight more than you had been around your father. You made the decision and got up knowing it was late and dangerous but not caring. You had to talk to John now.

You grabbed a coat blindly as you left and stepped out to the rough streets of Birmingham. You could get to John’s within fifteen minutes if you walked briskly. There was no guarantee he’d be there but you had to try.

Everything was fine for the first ten minutes. It was as you passed the ruins of the Garrison that was slowly but surely being rebuilt that you felt the hand loop around your arm and felt your body jerk backwards. A group of men stood a few feet back leaning against the wall and looking on in interest as the largest one held on to you.

‘Well what have we got here’ He said right in your face, his putrid breath almost making you gag. ‘A little girly out on a walk is it? Bad night for a walk sweetheart’. He backed you further against the wall and you felt his hand drift from around your forearm to your waist. He put his other hand other your chin and jerked your eyes up to meet his. ‘A pretty little girly, I’ll have fun with you.’

You jerked your head to the side and set your pleading gaze on the group of men. You were about the shout for help to them when you saw one step out of the group and look at you with alarm on his face. 

‘Christ above Jim that’s John Shelby’s girl. What the fuck are you trying to do get us all killed?’ He said moving closer to the back of the man, Jim presumably, that held onto you.

Utter shock covered Jim’s face and was then replaced with fear. He stepped back and let you go, almost going to pat your arm in assurance but clearly thought better of it. ‘Very sorry miss, I was just joking around you know. Course I was never gonna actually hurt you or nothing’. He laughed nervously. ‘We’ll just be on our way yeah?’

‘Probably wise’ came a voice from the little alley to the opposite side of you. You recognised that voice. John stepped out of the shadows with another man you didn’t recognise hot at his heels. The man seemed to be categorising the group of men standing behind you, no doubt to take care of them later. John only had eyes for you.

He walked up to you and grabbed your forearm, much like the Jim fella had and started pulling you through the streets. You recognised their office when he finally stopped and rifled in his pockets for the key. He opened it and you stepped inside wondering why he had brought you here. He must have caught the inquisitive look on your face because he shuffled his feet and spoke.

‘Didn’t wanna wake the kids up taking you back to my house so I thought this would work just as well’. He looked up bashfully but then his face changed and a stonier look took over. ‘And just what the bloody hell do you think you were doing wandering the streets this late? Have you a death wish or something?’

It was your turn to look uncomfortable. ‘I’m sorry I just… I had to talk to you and I wasn’t really thinking about the danger just that I wanted to see you.’

His face softened and he nodded. ‘Don’t scare me like that again Y/N. Even if you’re here to finish things that won’t stop me from caring.’

Your head shot up at that. ‘Why would you think I was ending things?’

His head followed yours. ‘Well I mean I just thought. You were so angry and I … well fuck it Y/N you had some valid points’

You smiled slightly and took a step closer. ‘I know and I’m still not okay with everything but I owe it to myself and to you to think about how I feel and not just how I think I should feel.’ You sighed. ‘I really fucking missed you the last week John. Like really fucking missed you.’

His smile could have split stones. He surged forward and catching you my surprise he joined his hands under your bum and lifted, turning you around so you were perched on the desk in front of him. You squealed in surprise and leaned up to kiss him.

It was sweet at first but grew more heated and in what felt like no time John was pushing you skirts up and feeling his way across the front of your underwear. He had them off between one stroke of his hand and the next. It was a haze of pure pleasure after that.

Afterwards you lay on the floor of the office, spare blankets pinched from Polly’s desk separating you from the cold floor and one on top from the cold air. You cuddled into John’s chest as he stroked his hand lazily up and down your back.

‘I’m sorry my family killed your family’ he whispered into your hair.

You reached up to cup his jaw and pressed a kiss to his lips. ‘He never would have approved.’

John barked a laugh and kissed you on the nose. ‘Still though, I’m sorry.’

You nodded and burrowed closer into him, feeling the thrum of his heartbeat under your cheek and knowing you made the right decision with forgiveness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the title! Felt this was more fitting. Also sorry for the longer break in between this one, I was visiting a friend in Budapest. Hope ya'll enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna say this will be three chapters but let's face it I haven't actually a notion if I'll be happy with that or if I'll decide to include more prompts. John Shelby is a sweetheart and deserved better. Hope ya'll enjoy


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